legs

(no subject)

I really enjoy hormonal swings, mood swings. I really, really love now. I love the way that sometimes, I can masturbate for hours and not orgasm, whereas at other times, I can come by simply sitting in a moving bus... The way that the sensitivity levels change, and you can feel and study the changes, it's amazing. Or, some days, I can read the most depressing romantic story, and not feel a thing, and other days I can start crying from just watching advertisements with happy families in them. All the words floating around me, they create a maze, lacy clouds surrounding me. The information entering me, energizing me... And the feeling now, to be so in love with sound, to feel like my whole body fills up with endorphins when I hear particular favourite songs... Fabrics, beads, wow. I feel very material, but in a good way. I can stare at them for hours, enjoying the shimmering, imagining them moving on a beautiful girl in a ballroom, the depth of the colour, the contours of the garment accentuating every alluring shape. They pick up a life of their own. I want to dance alone. Just me and the dress. Touching each other ever so romantically... The softness, the silkiness, kissing, making love to the fabric, swimming in a sea of beads... I love life. I wish the sun wouldn't come up, and this moment could last forever.

(= too much coffee)
  • Current Music
    Project Pitchfork - Souls
androgyny

(no subject)

Yay, so watching tv all week helped, wasting time is so easy this way. My dad decided to finally fix my computer this weekend, wheee, it seems to work better now, and doesn't sound like it's dying. At least not as much as before. And now I've got more disc space, great. Hopefully I might actually try wasting time playing adventure games. Or reading, which would be more useful.
What else? Started on the dreadful buckwheat diet again. Cheating less than last time. Drinking gigantic quantities of tea and coffee. Fell through a chair and hurt my toe. Broke another 2 nails. Trying to clean up. Went to the library, got some sewing books, I might actually get around to doing something with that gorgeous glittery velvet fabric. Probably not though... Still haven't started on the essay.
  • Current Mood
    hyper
pin-up

(no subject)

I'm slightly worried about this essay stuff. One of our professors told us that we should never ever start writing anything until we are 100% sure what we want to show and prove. I usually always write my essays by sitting down and writing, no plans, no system, etc. They get a nice feel to them that way, a better flow, usually. Slightly disorganised, but they tend to pick up their own shape by themselves. It's always weird for me to plan something before I do it. Grr, I'll probably end up doing it 2 hours before I have to hand it in. Meh, I have no idea what to write.
Also, I have a huge urge to see Clan of Xymox live... I'd have to either go to South America, or south Europe... I might want to go to Paris to see them, although I'd never afford it.... I would hitch, and drag Ittai along, but that would take ages... They're playing there on a Tuesday, and I'll have Tuesdays off, but still, it would probably be too complicated.. But I do need to go to Paris to get some uni books... hmm... *rare moment when Karina's brain actually works*
  • Current Music
    P J Harvey - Is This Desire?
happy

(no subject)

Ooh, the randomness continues... The interview went ok (although the pay is quite low, and I wouldn't be doing any selling, I'd only make chocolate and fold boxes, clean, etc. really), but the guy said that he'd look at all the other applicants and then decide. So I went back to the uni to see if I could buy some books, but the bookstore was closed. BUT, on my way out I bumped into Sara, one of my old classmates from the French high-school. Quite strange 'cause, although I knew she was in the same university as me, she does Egyptian studies, so she's not on the same campus as me. But, yay, she's pretty much the only one of my old classmates that I actually liked. She's really intelligent, literary and understanding (although she's very calm, quiet, studious, etc... I've never seen her in anything but trousers, a sweater, short hair and glasses... she doesn't do much partying, so she might think of me as immature in some ways). It was scary meeting her 'cause she started talking French to me (eek, must really watch more French tv and read more French books, I'm so out of practice), but we quickly changed to English and talked for ages... I might actually go as far as saying that I know 4 people in this country. Yay.
  • Current Music
    New Order - The Perfect Kiss
pin-up

(no subject)

Ooh. ooh. ooh. What a random day. The class went nicely. It seems that when people speak in English, and don't make too many grammatical mistakes, I tend to concentrate more, and have a harder time faling asleep. Yay. Still, I should really find some kind of little bottle and put ultra-ultra strong coffee in it, so I can sip from it if I ever get very sleepy (in high school I used to fall asleep at every second lesson... in all the other lessons I spent my time fantasizing about fucking the teachers, so I didn't really spend much time concentrating). Other than the crappy Danish goth scene, I only kind of know 3 people in this country (my ex Mikael, my best friend Josse and this bloke Henrik I met half a year ago), and how fucking weird is it that it's exactly that Henrik that I found doing the same course as me, in the same group as me?! Yes, umm, I like nice random things. This kind of means that I don't really have to bother much at all with the whole "getting to know people" process, 'cause if I'm away, there's a big chance he'll be in class and I can ask him for assignments, etc. Speaking of which, I have an essay to write for next Thursday. "Why did I choose English?"... yes, why indeed. I'm not sure whether to lie and write a nice proper essay, or just write about my complicated and only semi-existent love-life, communication problems and the fact that I was bored and had nothing else to do, 'cause that's the real reason. Hmm...
On the way back I bumped into Mark, that guy from the goth scene that lives 20 meters away from me. Very random too, I've never seen him in normal work clothes, he actually looks much better.
Which reminds me of watching Ricky Lake yesterday, I'm not sure why... But, there was this guy there, complaining about his girlfriend smashing up his car, and now he has to walk "almost a whole mile" to work everyday. Given the fact that he doesn't live in a dangerous area, and the only reason he's complaining is because it's too far to walk, wow. Americans are funny. Still, I really shouldn't watch tv. After only 4 days of continuous US sitcom, etc. watching, my American accent has gotten much stronger (*just* when I thought it was about to go away...:-(), I've started saying "baby" to Ittai, ick, and I *actually* said "aks" instead of "ask" a few times yesterday... scary. Very very scary.
Bah, anyway, I'm going to get ready and go to a job interview type thingie. It's for a shop up north, not *too* far away really, making and selling chocolate. And, no, I don't want it so I can steal the chocolate, I want it because a) it's a job and I'm very broke b) it's hard to find a job and I'm very broke and c) if I work in a chocolate store, I'll probably get very tired of the smell of chocolate, so tired that I might stop eating it altogether, yay... Perfect way to get rid of a dependance. The boss said I sounded promising on the phone, wonder whether he'll tell me to piss off the second he sees the piercings, etc. *crossed fingers*
androgyny

(no subject)

Yay, I love my brain. When it thinks that something is important, and I forgot to set the alarm, it will wake me up at an absurd time in the morning all by itself (like now). However, when it knows something is important, but also knows how ironic it would be if I were to sleep though it, it goes for the irony option and doesn't wake me up. Anyway, it's my first day of school, I'm scared, mommy... :-(
Almost certain that I'll get confused beyond belief. Was reading a plan for the next few weeks, and for one brief moment, I thought I had forgot to do my homework for today. *g* Aww, I did miss that feeling. Feeling that time is changing its form, right in front of you, and you can't do anything about it, while your head explodes and your hand falls off 'cause you can't keep up with the speed. Eeekie.
Also, how silly is it that they put autumn holidays in the middle of October? I mean, sure, it's the middle of Autumn, but, seriously, they could really have been considerate enough to put the holidays in at Whitby-time... Oh well, I guess I'll have to skip a few days, and this time my parents won't kill me (too much) for it... Wheee :)
I just hope I don't fall asleep in class again. I think drinking lots of coffee before would be the solution, although that might just make me seem like a maniac. Hmm, we'll see what happens...
  • Current Music
    Wolfsheim - For You I'm bleeding
pin-up

The last day of summer...

Well, it's 4am, I've just woken up, lovely.... I could go back to sleep, since it's always such a great way to waste time, but I'm feeling strangely productive. I think I might actually read some useful book... Ooh, coffee!
These are my last few hours of official freedom. I still have no idea whatsoever what I'm supposed to do tomorrow, what kind of weird ceremony it is... Oh well, at least I think that being utterly confused is a good sign. It means I have absolutely no idea of what I'm supposed to do at uni, and doing that once will hopefully take the confusion away next year.

Me and my parents went to a fleamarket together on Sunday. I bought myself lots and lots of nice belts (they're way too big, but making them smaller will hopefully motivate me to lose weight), and the most gorgeous fabric (very lovely black velour with a beautiful sparkly blue pattern on it). Some lady gave me some weird black powder for the eyes that she bought in India? On the package it says it's to relieve tired, smoky, dusty, etc. eyes. It doesn't, however, say how to use it. I'm guessing you either apply it around the eyes or drop a bit inside? Whatever it is, it looks interesting. And my mother randomly found a pair of bright bright pink pumps in the attic that my dad (who is mildly colourblind and can't tell the difference between red and green, etc.) once bought for her and she never wore (since they were such a scary colour). Rar, can't believe she didn't realize I'd like them. You'd think the bright pink hair bits that I've had for well over a year now would have been a nice clue. Nevermind, yay, they look so great! Wheee, bright pink pumps! *dances around happily* She also gave me these really elegant black/gold evening shoes, that she never wears anyway. How sweet of her.... *dances around even more happily*

Wow, it's Autumn already. This means it's over 3 months since I came back from London and decided to stay here. Marvellous, and only a little over 11 months left! :-D Still, I can't help thinking that time isn't just a material thing, like money, gifts or sex that you can just hand out whenever you want something. I wonder whether I'll regret wasting a year here. I mean, I already vaguely regret not taking that crappy supermarket job 7 months ago, it's pretty much inevitable that you'll regret everything you do as time passes. 18 always seemed *so* far away, and now it's right around the corner, that just feels so bizarre. I almost wish I could just stop time so I could enjoy every moment of this joyous existence. I just wish I was allowed to do absolutely nothing, sit and watch tv all day for 11 months, watch the hours pass, counting up to a certain goal, and not regret it. Ooh, and now that the sunshine's gone, I definitely know it'll be harder for me to stay happy if I choose to actually live my life. Maybe the only thing I need are lamps that shine like daylight. Obviously listening to the most appropriate (although *slightly* late) song... Eekie, depressing. *shivering*
And to add to the deeply gloomy mood, I broke a nail. Like, seriously, most of the tip fell off. Meh, meh, and meh once more. I should really strengthen them more...
  • Current Music
    The Cure - The last day of summer
pin-up

(no subject)

Josse came over last night. I've missed her. We got stupidly drunk, which was great 'cause I managed to convince her to give me money if I'd call random and not so random people. I really ought to get a job, I'm sure it would be a lot easier. Nevermind, wine money, yay. When she left, I asked most of the people on my contact list whether the Earth was still spinning, but no one seemed to know. Another observation is that most people think you're insane and scary (and tell you they have to go do household chores.... at 2AM), unless they're drunk/high/insane themselves. It's so sad that so many of the so-called "alternative" people have such a conventional mind.
Spent the rest of the night watching some erotic movies and porn on tv. Realized that although the female body is beautiful, faces are way too often not. Girls in bright pink suits look silly. Beer tastes insanely bad the morning after.
  • Current Music
    the sound of the computer collapsing
legs

(no subject)

Wheee. Found out about the uni stuff. Lectures only start on Wednesday. There's some kind of immatriculation (I have no idea whatsoever what that is) on Tuesday that I have to attend. And, erm, that's it, I can lie around doing nothing until then. I really do think I should find a job, but it's really hard to find a part-time job, and it will be really silly if Ittai comes to visit me some weekend when I have to work.
Oooh, looking at the timetable now, I have Fridays off, and later in Autumn I'll also have Tuesdays off. Neat. Actually, the only bad thing about this course is that I'll have to read lots, and I'm a slow reader, so that'll probably take up all my time. Oh well... *dances around happily for no apparent reason*
  • Current Music
    Siouxsie and the Banshees - Spellbound